We’re going to talk about love…
And then I’m going to show you how it connects to sales and Marie Forleo’s secret weapon.
(If you’ve ever wanted to throw up at the thought of sales – of writing a sales page or having an enrollment conversation or making an offer from the stage – this is especially for you.)
Have you ever heard about the 5 love languages?
This approach to communication and understanding our partners in romantic relationships was developed by Gary Chapman, longtime relationship counselor.
Basically, there are 5 emotional love languages – different ways that we express and understand love. We create optimal relationships when we understand our own and our partner’s love languages and speak to one another using our partner’s love language, not our own.
Here are the 5 Love Languages:
1. Physical Touch: this is the touchy-feely person who desires (and requires) hugs, gentle touches, back rubs, etc., to know that they are loved, cared for and connected.
2. Quality Time: if this is your primary love language, you most desire spending quality, uninterrupted time with the people you care about so you can receive their undivided attention.
3. Acts of Service: this person’s favorite thing to hear is, “Let me do that for you.” Small gestures from taking the garbage out to helping them complete a task really show them you care.
4. Receiving Gifts: if this is your primary love language, it doesn’t signify you’re materialistic. Instead, you can register and receive love through the form of small or large thoughtful gifts. Gifts show you that your loved ones see you and care about you.
5. Words of Affirmation: “I love you…” and “I so appreciate you for…” are music to this person’s ears. They are able to receive love best through the spoken word; through praise and acknowledgments.
The problem is, we tend to express our love to our partner through our own primary love language, not theirs.
It’s like trying to have a conversation with someone who only speaks Swahili and you only speak English. You might understand each other a little bit through body language and energy, yet you’ll miss out on the details of what each other really wishes to express.
Let me give you an example of how we “miss” each other in romantic relationships when we aren’t speaking our partner’s primary love language.
My primary love language is Words of Affirmation. I lived with a boyfriend for awhile whose primary love language was Acts of Service. He was often doing things for me: taking out the trash, picking up things from the store for us, helping me complete projects. But I didn’t receive that as love. It didn’t register as care and concern. He rarely spoke my love language and I felt starved for the expression of love that I most desired.
I primarily spoke to him using my love language. I complimented him. I acknowledged him. I let him know all the ways I appreciated him. And while this was “nice” for him to hear, it didn’t feed him in that deep way he craved to be known, seen and loved.
This “missing” each other can be very painful. We take it personally. We don’t receive each other’s love when it’s not expressed in our language. Therefore, we believe our partner doesn’t really love us, at least not the way we desire to be loved.
What can we do to change this?
(And hang in there… I’ll get to the sales connection and Marie Forleo, too.)
Here’s how we can use the love languages to create optimal relationships:
- Know your own love language and share it with your partner
- Find out your partner’s love language
- Experiment with what you discover when you “speak” to your partner using your love language versus their love language and have them speak to you in their love language and then in yours
- Which way of communicating feels the most nourishing? The most luscious? Which way of communicating turns you on and leaves you feeling seen, known, understood and cared for?
What Gary Chapman discovered after decades of working with couples is that when you take the time and put the energy into learning your partner’s love language, and using that as your primary way of communicating your love, you will both be much happier.
How the heck does this apply to sales?
Let’s look at how this plays out in your relationship with your ideal clients, when it comes to how you talk about your services.
Chances are, you care a lot about your ideal clients. You want the best for them. Yet when it comes to expressing your love, you – along with millions of other entrepreneurs – speak in your love language.
For example, if you are an Energy Medicine practitioner you might show your love for your ideal clients by telling them all about meridians and chi and how we’re all connected.
If you’re an Equine Therapist you might express your love for your ideal clients by inviting them to see how beautiful horses are, and how wise they are and how amazing it is to spend an afternoon in a pasture with one (or several) of these large creatures.
Or perhaps you’re a Leadership Coach and you show your love by talking about theories of communication and the latest research on team dynamics and neuro-linguistic programming.
In each of these cases, you’ve got great intentions, but you’re “missing” your ideal clients. They read your sales page, or hear you speaking about chi or energy at a networking event, and they don’t feel your love. They don’t feel like you get them. They walk away or click away from the screen, with a deep thirst to find someone who talks their love language.
So what is the primary love language of your ideal clients?
There are 4 different love languages that your potential clients speak:
1. Money/Wealth: they’re either in the pain of debt and never enough money and/or they desire more: more ease, more money, more wealth.
2. Business/Career: they might be in a job they hate and desire a career they love; they might be struggling to grow their own business and desire a successful, impactful, worldwide business; they might have low confidence and desire to have greater influence. (This love language can often overlap with the Money/Wealth language.)
3. Health/Body: they might be struggling with anything from extra weight to chronic conditions or autoimmune issues to backaches and menopause. Their biggest desires are to feel sexy or strong in their body again; to be free of dis-ease; to feel limber and mobile so they can pick up their grandkids; to escape hot flashes and embrace the changes their body is going through.
4. Relationship: they are single and desire to find their soulmate or they’re constantly fighting with their partner and crave real intimacy or they’ve lost that loving feeling and want to know how to rekindle the passion.
(There are other love languages beyond these 4, yet again and again I see how these are the primary ones.)
Tune into your ideal clients: which of these 4 love languages do they primarily speak?
When you take the time and put the energy into learning your ideal client’s love language, and using this as the primary way of communicating your love, you will both be much happier!
You will attract more clients, make more money, serve more people and have the impact you desire. Your ideal clients will finally feel like someone gets them, and will happily sign up to work with you to get out of pain and to create all that they desire.
Let me give you one other tip for how to speak your idea client’s primary love language: find out the exact words they use to describe what they are struggling with and what they want instead. I call this “Client Speak.” This is the most powerful way to show your ideal clients you get them and can help them.
This concept of Love Languages applies to our romantic partnerships, our relationships with our ideal clients, and really… all of our relationships.
Marie Forleo’s secret weapon is using the Love Languages to create and maintain a healthy, happy business team. I know another 7-figure business coach who also uses the Love Languages this way. She finds out what is most meaningful to her team members and then gifts them in that way.
For example, one of her team member’s love language is Physical Touch and she loves massages. So whenever they hit a certain goal or milestone, she receives a gift certificate for a massage. Another team member’s love language is Quality Time and she loves taking Fridays off to spend with her kids. They’ve set it up so she has that flexibility. Each team member’s primary love languages are known, respected and spoken, to create an optimally performing team. This ultimately contributes to both the bottom line and the sustainability of their organization.
How do you put this information and your new insights into action to attract more clients?
Take these next steps:
- Identify your ideal client’s primary love language.
- Brainstorm a list of Client Speak. (These are the words they use to describe what they struggle with and what they desire.) (This helps you get even more specific with their love language.)
- Speak your ideal client’s primary love language in your next sales page and enrollment conversation.
Here are 2 resources to help you attract more clients using sales as a love language:
See how sales really is a love language?
Before you go, take a moment to leave a comment below and let me know your Love Language and your ideal client’s Love Language.